How Sharing A Bed Impacts Your Sleep

While there is research on creating an “ideal sleep environment,” we all have our own sleep needs. From temperature and support to brightness and noise, every individual’s sleep needs are slightly different, which can make sharing a bed with a partner difficult.

While some couples are beginning to discuss a “sleep divorce,” where they each have their own bed or sleep space, others are looking for a solution to make their shared sleep space work.

Emotional Benefits of Sharing a Bed
Because sleep is an inherently vulnerable state, humans need to feel safe and secure when they go to bed. Sharing a sleep space with a partner typically leads to a greater sense of safety and security, making it easier for some to fall asleep.

Some studies have even shown that couples with a deep, trusting relationship have improved REM sleep by up to 10% each night when they sleep together versus when they sleep apart.

Brandon Fuentes, researcher at the University of Arizona, says, “Sleeping with a romantic partner or spouse has great benefits on sleep health, including reduced sleep apnea risk and insomnia severity, as well as overall improvement in sleep quality.”

Bed-Sharing Challenges
However, although some studies say sleeping together leads to emotional benefits, sleep is primarily an individual behavior, which shows why adapting to a new sleeping arrangement with a shared bed may lead to problems involving disruptions due to noise, movement, and temperature changes.

Sleep disruptions can impact your sleep cycles, especially your REM sleep, adversely affecting overall health, including cognitive and mental performance, weight and metabolism, immune system functionalities, and hormone balance.

Additionally, studies have found that 33% of adults in the U.S. claim to go to bed at a different time than they desire in order not to disrupt their partner’s sleep habits. While this seems like an ideal solution for some couples, sleep research suggests it’s also important not to go to bed until you are tired to avoid restlessly lying in bed, struggling to fall asleep. Finding a compromise on bedtime or even an upgraded sleep space to avoid disruptions may be necessary for each partner to get the quality, uninterrupted sleep they need.

Sharing a Bed: Comfort vs. Disruption
Sharing a bed with a loved one can bring both emotional and physical comfort while also introducing common sleep disruptors. On the one hand, you may have snoring, tossing and turning, and yanking on blankets. But on the other hand, you have the physical comfort, security, and safety.

As of 2024, 29% of U.S. adults have opted to sleep in a separate bed, highlighting sleep compatibility issues. If you’re among the 71% who want to try to make your shared sleep space work, the key is identifying your individual sleep needs and customizing your sleep environment.

Identifying Your Sleep Needs
Here are a few things to consider when identifying your individual sleep needs:

• How hot or cold do you and your partner sleep?
• How restless are each of you in your sleep?
• What type of support do you need from your mattress and pillow?
• Which position do you each tend to sleep in?
• When is your ideal time to go to bed?
• Would you prefer a completely dark or partially lit bedroom?
• How loud or quiet do each of you need your bedroom to be?

Once you’ve each identified your sleep needs, you can work together to create an ideal sleep environment that works for both of you.

Tips for Sharing a Bed
Along with earplugs or night masks, once you identify your sleep needs, it may be beneficial to look into buying a new bed or mattress. You may need a different size or a material that is more conducive to your shared sleep space.

But the easier, more affordable place to start fixing your shared sleep space to meet both of your needs is bedding. If you’re struggling to share your blankets or sheets, you can always buy a size larger than your bed for the flat sheet or blanket. Additional width on the flat sheet will make sharing sheets easier.

Additionally, just because you’re sharing a bed doesn’t mean you have to share the same sheets, pillows, or blankets. Not only does this help avoid the tug-of-war struggle for coverage but it also allows you to personalize your sleep space with cooler or warmer bedding. One of you may opt for a cool-touch sheet set while the other piles on extra layers with quilts and duvets.

No matter who you share your bed with, creating an ideal sleep environment that meets your sleep needs is key to achieving the restful sleep you both deserve.

Sources
“Adults Sleep Better Together than They Do Alone.” American Academy of Sleep Medicine. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2022/06/220606181217.htm?

“Americans Opting for ‘Sleep Divorce’ to Accommodate a Bed Partner.” American Academy of Sleep Medicine. aasm/americans-opting-sleep-divorce-accommodate-bed-partner/

“Bed Sharing in Couples Is Associated with Increased and Stabilized REM Sleep and Sleep-Stage Synchronization.” National Library of Medicine. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih/articles/PMC7330166/

“The Hidden Dangers of Sleep Disruption: How Interrupted Sleep Impacts Your Health.” Jackson Health System. jacksonhealth/how-interrupted-sleep-impacts-your-health/

“The Role of Couple Sleep Concordance in Sleep Quality: Attachment as a Moderator of Associations.” National Library of Medicine. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih/articles/PMC6702108/

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